drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
