Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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