I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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