So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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