I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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