I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
