Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
