Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
