If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
