Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
