the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
