My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish you could order shots online.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
