I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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