so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
