you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
