my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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