I looked at my own cervix.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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