Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
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Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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