i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
