oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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