:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
