dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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