and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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