Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
