I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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