is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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