How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
