We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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