this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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