No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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