So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The Olympian is in my bed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
