Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I intend to get homeless drunk
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
