we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
