thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
FUCK WHALES
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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