I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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