lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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