All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
