listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
