Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
