Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize