she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
