so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
