I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
