We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
