pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
