My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
