At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Still dying that you shit outside
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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