My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
