Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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