I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
