somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dicks are not precious.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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