party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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