I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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