What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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