i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
