so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
