3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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