dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
