Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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