Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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