Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
