Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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