I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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