I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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