Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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