We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
