I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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