I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
