if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
